Why I Stopped Drinking on First Dates
I was geeking out about my date with January (not their real name). They were sexy, a Pisces, and had an enviable fashion sense.
We sipped espresso martinis in a dark corner of a fancy cocktail bar then made out in the empty staff lounge at the gay club they bartended at down the street. Holding hands, we analyzed our star sign compatibility.
At the end, January walked me home and kissed me in front of my building’s entrance.
“Let’s do this again, ok?” they said before smacking my ass and walking away with a huge grin. The next morning, I was still picturing the moment. I couldn’t wait to plan our next date.
I loved our date…and I have to admit I’ve been thinking about when you smacked my ass at the end, I texted.
I don’t remember that. Did I do that?? They wrote back.
I stared at the screen until the words became blurry. Did my date seriously forget that moment? I thought back to our barhop and remembered the steady flow of alcohol. It clicked.
After a string of dates like this one, I knew it was time for a change. Intoxicated dates had brought me a lot of false hope. It had also been a lubricant to soften the friction of red flags and a lack of chemistry. So, I made a new rule for myself: no more first dates involving alcohol.
I’m not the only one rethinking how substances show up in their dating life.
One in three American Millennials and Gen Zers don’t drink, and 87% believe dry dating is a healthier approach to forming romantic relationships, according to a 2024 DatingNews.com survey.
Let’s face it, it’s way past time to retire the classic drink date (or at least, to mix it up a bit). Here’s everything you need to know to dry date like a pro.
Why Dry Date?
Look, I love a good cocktail as much as the next person, but when it comes to dating, it can do more harm than good.
We’ve all been there: wanting a little alcohol to loosen us up when meeting someone new. But with more of us choosing sobriety, the rising cost of living, and a move toward intentional dating, sober is the new sexy.
Dry dating offers more clarity, more peace of mind, and enhanced safety. It’s a lot easier to suss out red flags and chemistry when you’re fully present.
Want to skip the alcohol and slip into something a little more sober?
How to Talk to Matches About Dry Dating
Dry dating is about you, not what the other person does. Letting your date know ahead of time that you don’t want to drink can keep things comfortable later. When you speak to them, keep the focus on your own behavior and intentions.
A good date will ask if you’d prefer they join you in staying sober for the night. Be honest with them. Dry dating at its best is a collaborative effort to remain present with each other. It can also open up deeper conversations about substance use preferences and habits—giving you an earlier view into your compatibility in this area. Ultimately, though, dry dating is about your own choices, not controlling anyone else’s.
You might notice that having a preference for dry dating will weed out some matches. I once got a message from someone saying, “What do you even do on dates if you don’t drink?” That let me know right away we weren’t on the same page. A lot of people prefer to drink on the first few dates because it helps them feel more relaxed. That’s ok. But if that’s not you, then it’s important to find people who align more with your ideas about alcohol and dating. On PURE App, it’s easy to meet other dry daters. Just turn on Perfect Match to connect with people who listed “dry dating” as a turn-on.
Dry Dating Ideas
Next time you want to keep it sober while meeting a lover, new or old, try out one of these date ideas:
Take a class together
Go bowling
Play around at an arcade
Do karaoke
Go to the movies
Watch a comedy show
Go to a concert
Visit a museum or art gallery
Visit a local coffee shop
Walk around your city
Try a soda shop
Have a dry dinner
Compete at mini golf
Take a workshop
Go to the gym or a group workout
Go thrifting
Pick out books for each other at a bookstore
Plan a picnic at a park
Swap a bar crawl for a dessert crawl
Grab ice cream
Hang out at the beach
Go to a board game cafe or have an at-home game night
Go to a sporting event
Stroll a farmer’s market
Volunteer together
Ready to try dry dating yourself? Download PURE App and select the “dry dating” turn-on in your profile.
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